cruel fun at others' expense

Sep 30, 2009 9:13pm
The Federal govt is givin relationship advice! “If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach… you’re off by about six inches” did Uncle Sam just tell me to become a slampiece!? color me intrigued. tell me more Beyonce has been tellin fools to put a ring on it for like 11 months, but the feds aren’t so great at writing top 40 songs (tho I bet if Obama tried he could DO ANYTHING) Instead they made this supernifty website on how to land a man! Basically it gives tips on the five major stages of blinging out yo ring finger: makin sure he’s not a psycho, DTR, showin off the rock, only fools prenup, and when the rubber breaks (no coat hanger tips tho!) The feds have tons of do’s and don’ts for dating: Like “Don’t be late!” umm, but how is yo partner gonna know that you’re more important than they are if you don’t show up 30 minutes fashionably late? Showing up on time is a slippery slope to having to hold doors open and other obnoxious… “Be courteous. For you guys out there, remember that small things like opening doors or walking your date to her car are still important.” WHAT!? I told you bout this sexist slippery slope! This is why at the beginning of every date, I suggest having a push-up contest, and whoever wins is the one who does the door-opening for the night. And then I was super excited for the article “Can You Really Change a Person?” because I thought it’d have some good brainwashing techniques, but nu uh it was a bunch of bogus compromise tips barf

The Federal govt is givin relationship advice! “If you think the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach… you’re off by about six inches” did Uncle Sam just tell me to become a slampiece!? color me intrigued. tell me more

Beyonce has been tellin fools to put a ring on it for like 11 months, but the feds aren’t so great at writing top 40 songs (tho I bet if Obama tried he could DO ANYTHING) Instead they made this supernifty website on how to land a man!

Basically it gives tips on the five major stages of blinging out yo ring finger: makin sure he’s not a psycho, DTR, showin off the rock, only fools prenup, and when the rubber breaks (no coat hanger tips tho!)

The feds have tons of do’s and don’ts for dating:

Like “Don’t be late!” umm, but how is yo partner gonna know that you’re more important than they are if you don’t show up 30 minutes fashionably late? Showing up on time is a slippery slope to having to hold doors open and other obnoxious… “Be courteous. For you guys out there, remember that small things like opening doors or walking your date to her car are still important.” WHAT!? I told you bout this sexist slippery slope! This is why at the beginning of every date, I suggest having a push-up contest, and whoever wins is the one who does the door-opening for the night.

And then I was super excited for the article “Can You Really Change a Person?” because I thought it’d have some good brainwashing techniques, but nu uh it was a bunch of bogus compromise tips barf
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